William Poehner

About two or three years ago I was the information technology coordinator for Center for Nonviolent Communication. I had the great privilege to sit in on board meetings with one of my hero's, Dr. Marshall Rosenberg. I was able to hear his insights and get a close look at the man. Looking back know, the biggest admiration I have of him was hearing his desire to see Nonviolent Communication taken beyond the realm of personal and interpersonal development. It took me many years to understand this message and see how it fits in the big picture. I often wonder if what Dr. Rosenberg was really desiring was for individuals practicing and teaching Nonviolent Communication to have a deep knowledge of critical consciousness.

I define critical consciousness as a consciousness practice of being aware of the amount of suffering, injustice and oppression being inflicted on the world. I see Nonviolent Communication as a frame work that allows us to put into practice the skills that will create connections and relationships that can have a deep impact on these injustices. And there for reducing suffering and the oppressive behaviors instilled in us and in systems designed to govern us. I imagine that someone with a developed degree of critical consciousness sees opportunities and acts as an agent of change and embraces social change as a way of life.

This image symbolized the many layers of honesty. I remember walking into a cell block and hearing an inmate yell out to me, "hey fuck you William and your program". Initially I was upset and wanted to tell him to come down and say it to my face. Then I realized he is just expressing his honesty and that a couple of weeks ago he asked to get into the program and his application was denied.

I began to wonder about the different layers of his honesty and expression, on top layer was:

"Fuck you William and your program"

if i listen carefully with my giraffe ears I can hear...

"I'm angry because I was denied access to your program"

and if I listen even more carefully I can hear the pain...

"I'm hurt because I really wanted an opportunity to learn"

I can even continue to guess and notice how my heart openness to his honesty...

"I have a need for learning and I want you to know how painful it was not have been accepted into your program"

These are all just guesses of what I thought might be going on for him. I assume that it would have been helpful for him to see his own heart and see the deeper layers of honesty inside himself. i tell myself that some how this would have empowered him to make request, or even given him some peace of mind. More importantly I notice my own choice in these types of situations and learned to see beyond the surface level of honesty we tend to dish out and not to get hooked on words. 

Key Distinction: Giraffe honesty vs. jackal honesty, Vulnerability vs. weakness, Guessing vs. knowing, Empathic sensing vs. intellectual guessing

This is probably the most common image I use when sharing Nonviolent Communication. It helps me demonstrate a few core principles and key distinctions. I also share a personal theory on relativism and the human experience. In short, we suffer less if we know that what we experience is merely our experience rather than a perception of absolute truth. In other words i have access to my observations, feelings, needs and thinking. I don't necessarily have access to the whole picture but to the part of the picture that I experience. It seems to me that when people express with this kind of mindfulness there tends to be less suffering.

This image also helps me make distinctions between all the different aspects of our experience. What we observe through our five senses, what we feel in our emotional body and the life energy that motivates us. It also identifies our thinking and how its different from feeling and observing. Learning these distinctions is key in deepening your consciousness and how we absorb and experience the world.

Key Distinction: Observation vs. observation mixed with evaluation, Feeling vs. feeling mixed with thoughts, Need vs. request, Stimulus vs. cause, Self-empathy vs. acting out, repressing, or wallowing in feelings

In Exhibit A.

a person is sitting in an emotional hole. another person approaches and falls into the hole with them, feeling and experiencing the emotional with them.

In Exhibit B.

a person is sitting in an emotional hole. another person approaches and stays present to other persons experience. the person in the hole possibly stands up.

Key Distinction: Empathy vs. sympathy and other forms of response (fixing, reassuring, storytelling, etc.)

The Comienzos program is an ever growing and evolving program that serves men and woman incarcerated at the Bernalillo Metropolitan Detention Center. One of the core principle of the Comienzos Programing is grounded in ancient indigenous tradition of the Hopi Medicine Wheel.

The Medicine Wheel dates back 4,500 years. Many of the North American indigenous populations use this wheel for various rituals, healing, and teaching purposes. I respectfully uses this symbol as a teaching tool that honors the four bodies of a human. We are Spiritual, Mental, Emotional and Physical beings and exercising practices in each of these areas are crucial part of our well being.

The idea is to take care of your body with a healthy food and consistent exercise. Develop emotional intelligence with classes in Nonviolent Communication, 12 Step, and Native Drum Circles. Get grounded in some form of Spiritual practice, whether it be meditation, prayer or some form of kindness practice. Finally I encourage everyone to have some sort of mental stimulation. This includes reading, writing, problem solving and critical thinking. Most activities have some sort of overlap and can fit into more than one of your bodies. Be sure to be mindful of honoring your self by honoring these aspects of your humanness.

Any social systems, institutes and cultural upbringing that doesn't honor these aspects of our existence is most likely operating out an oppressive consciousness(or life-alienating fashion).

Key Distinction: Life-connected vs. life-alienated

Statement of Intent
A statement of intent (approximately one to two pages) explaining why you wish to become a CNVC Certified Trainer including the following four points:

I'm choosing to register as a Certified Trainer Candidate for the Center for Nonviolent Communication for two primary reasons. (a) to have my experience of Nonviolent Communication verified, validated and challenged so that I will grow in my ability to support others in deepening there compassionate consciousness. (b) I would like my presence as Certified Trainer to point back to a bigger resource of Trainers that people could connect with. This sends a clear message to my constituents that this work isn't about me, rather a collective effort. My hope is that this message will invite others to contribute to the bigger picture of creating a world were everyones needs are valued.

(1) Your beginning thoughts about a social change focus;

I have spent the last 3-4 years working for a small nonprofit called Comienzos (http://comienzos.org) that offers therapeutic and education services to inmates at the Bernalillo Metropolitan Detention Center. Aside from the hundreds of hours spent in the classroom sharing my experience of Nonviolent Communication, I believe my biggest contribution to social change has been in my ability to network and build relationships with security, case management and administration. I have learned that what happens in the classroom is secondary to ones ability to build bridges and connections. These connections have lead to transformative experiences in the detention center and in the criminal justice system. I see my primary role as the Director of Comienzos is to facilitate connection with the community, critical stake holders and government officials. My hope is that these connections and our ability to share our humanity are key in moving towards a less oppressive culture. 

(2) Spirituality as it applies to NVC;

Last year I attended a United Church of Christ(UCC) Conference held for members and delegates of the different church's in the region. I was chosen to attend as a delegate from my local church. The theme of the conference was on "Church Transformation and Growth". I attended a break out session lead by youth and the youth were asked when they experience God? One youth replied, "I experience God in my interactions with other youth at camp". In that moment I didn't get it. It took me a year later to understand the simplicity and depth of what this youth was talking about. When we create loving, nurturing and restorative environments we manifest Devine energy (just like an IIT and any NVC Intensive Workshop). Since my trip to Guatemala three weeks ago were I was emerged into this loving environment, I feel rejuvenated and I'm recommitted to creating these sacred spaces. I'm also committed to rejuvenating myself when I feel distant from the this natural way of being. I'm not convinced that I can always manifest this whole hearted connectedness, although I'm committed to this spiritual practice and path of returning home when I realize I'm not.

(3) The NVC community to which you belong or are planning to create.

I recently came back from an intensive retreat in Guatemala with Dow Gordon, Edmundo Norte and Alicia Garcia. We trained over 80 MercyCorps employees and I felt a great deepening in my heart about living and practicing NVC. I came back with a deep grounding in my heart (Feelings and Needs) and want to continue creating a community that will allow others to share this experience. I have recently initiated a gatherings for our local NVC community, the New Mexico Network for Nonviolent Communication. A friend(Rikki Fowler) and I plan to lead the group in some structured connection exercises to promote connection then move towards a dialogue about how we can continue to meet. The group hasn't had a structured event in months, since Jim and Jori Mankse left.

I also have spent that last two years attempting to create a loving, nurturing and transformative environment at my church. I lead the Sunday morning youth group and some adults are interested in the formats I'm using to first establish a level of connectedness before moving towards any lesson plans. I see my vision of having a connected church community being realized week by week. I get lot of support from members, the pasture and regionals leadership. They have invited me to share my experience of NVC at the next conference. My hope is to create a church environment that is all about connectedness and support. People come to church, plug in and leave with a sense of rejuvenation for the rest of the week. To me this is holding the Christ Consciousness.

(4) In addition, please include a response to the following question: What is the difference for you between teaching NVC as a certified trainer, and teaching it as a non-certified trainer?

I don't know because I have not taught NVC as a certified trainer. Although, I am imaging that teaching NVC as a certified trainer will give me the additional confidence in knowing that my understanding of NVC has been assessed, reviewed and challenged. My hope is to grow through the assessment process and both live and share a deeper sense of the NVC consciousness.